stepping stones
by thimblings
Summary: Each moment brings them closer together, a path laid out by fate. Whether either actually follows that path peacefully, though, is another matter entirely...Just some DouWata one-shots and drabbles, varying in length, humor, and actual slash content.
1. the way you walk

**AN: **This will be, eventually (like everything else I post), a collection of one-shots/drabbles focused on the DoumekixWatanuki relationship in xxxHOLiC. The prompts I'm using are from a lot of different sources (challenges, song lyrics, etc.), and the slash content will probably be just hinted at, or incredibly mild. These are going to be my first attempts at writing any of the characters in the manga, so...forgive me if any of them are completely mangled. Also, in my fan-writing, I tend to write a lot of run-ons and fragments that make sense to me (somehow) but I really have no idea if they make sense to anyone else. SO, hopefully, as these go on, the grammar and storyline problems will be improved, but these first few might be a bit rocky.

Most of these will probably be pretty short and random.

* * *

**the way you walk**

"You walk different."

"Huh?" Watanuki blinks for a minute, apparently trying to process the fact that Doumeki is actually _speaking_, rather than being silent and obtrusive like he usually is during the now-but-very-reluctantly-done-daily ritual of walking to school together, before realizing that there was actually a good chance that he was being insulted. "What's wrong with the way I walk?" he snaps, puffing up a bit and becoming _not at all_ conscious of how his individual limbs known as legs are moving.

"Nothing," Doumeki says, shrugging.

Watanuki feels like he's being scrutinized. "Just because I don't have a hulking figure and tree trunks for legs that make me loom around like some sort of cave man, doesn't mean that I walk _different_. _Everyone_ walks differently!"

"It's just…different than before." A disjointed sentence, but Doumeki seems to assume that it explains everything, and he keeps walking.

Watanuki glares at him, pausing for an instant (_not_ examining the way Doumeki walks), before muttering something about "ingrates" and speeding up his stride to rejoin his companion.

- - - -

"You walk different now," Himawari mentions at lunch.

Snapped out of his reverie of _finally being able to eat with Himawari-chan alone!_, Watanuki stares at her for a moment. "Different?" His mind flashes back to the morning. "He said that too," he mutters, and a light begins flickering in his head before he effectively busts it with the mental explosion that comes from the inner outrage of actually remembering something that jerk said. "What do you mean Himawari-chan?" And he manages a meek little smile.

"I didn't notice it until Doumeki-kun pointed it out to me," she says, smiling. "Before, you used to walk like you were expecting to fall all the time. It was almost like you were trying to balance on the edge of something because you were afraid of slipping."

Watanuki stares, not exactly understanding whether or not the observation is true or means anything, not to mention he's somewhat stuck on the idea that Doumeki and Himawari had a conversation together—about _him_. And that _Doumeki_ came up with something like that. "Well, I guess I've always been a bit clumsy," he offers.

"But now you seem like you have more confidence." She takes a bite from her bento, smile widening as she looks at him. "Maybe because you know that there's going to be someone to catch you, right?"

_Doumeki_.

A blush explodes on his face, and he looks into his bento quickly to hide it.

_Like Hell_.

- - - -

After school, Watanuki has to wonder why the lug head does well in archery at all—don't they _ever _practice? Doumeki, meanwhile, looms next to him like he's his bodyguard, which is what Watanuki's sure it looks like when people see them walking down the sidewalk together. He turns and glares at his friend. "I can catch myself, thank you."

Doumeki blinks, but says nothing.

"And I walk just fine—and _just the same_."

Doumeki runs a hand through his hair, but still says nothing.

"And just how do _you_ notice how I walk anyway? Since when is it any of your business, let alone of any interest?"

For a minute, it seems like the pattern's going to continue, and Watanuki's going to have to start yelling as usual because the jerk's not even _trying_ to make a conversation, when Doumeki says, simply, "You walk ahead of me a lot."

Watanuki opens his mouth, and then stops.

"I tend to get a good view."

- - - -

Needless to say, Watanuki ended up yelling for a completely different reason.

- - - -

And, due to the apparently ironic sense of humor that the universe must have…

Watanuki ended up falling out of a tree the next day.

On top of Doumeki.

* * *

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP 


	2. passion

**passion**

Watanuki shivers when the wind picks up.

Doumeki doesn't seem affected.

Watanuki's eyebrow twitches slightly.

Doumeki remains still.

Watanuki's face scrunches up, reddening from frustration.

Doumeki is unfazed.

"CAN'T YOU _**FEEL**_ SOMETHING?"

Doumeki blinks, but doesn't really change.

"I mean, all you do is _sit_ there!" Watanuki waves his arms in Doumeki's direction, as if proving visually exactly _where_ Doumeki just sits. "You're like a statue! You're never happy or mad or sad or even _bothered _by **anything**!"

Doumeki stares for a minute, blinks, possibly thinks about responding, but ultimately decides to stay silent. He seems content to wait for Watanuki to continue, which was probably the plan from the beginning, whether he said anything or not.

And Watanuki does indeed continue, louder than most likely necessary, "Being around you is like being around a WALL. A BIG, DUMB WALL. That EATS. EVERYTHING."

"Technically, walls can't eat," Doumeki points out.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT."

Doumeki sighs.

Watanuki huffs and puffs a little more, but Doumeki tunes it out. After awhile, it starts to sound the same, and then, as Watanuki often forgets to breathe, it starts to sound less like an infuriated teen and more like a hissing cat.

"I honestly don't know why I put up with you!" Watanuki is grumbling, a few feet ahead of his companion. "You're an ungrateful ingrate who lives to show me up and get on my nerves and generally just be ANOTHER annoyance in my already annoying life—you're no better than Yuuko-san. I should just avoid you for the rest of my life and finish my jail sentence with the witch—maybe then I'll just go ahead and die and the whole thing would be over and done with and—"

Part of Doumeki wants to ask—why don't you, then?—but he decides against it.

He doesn't want Watanuki to die—or to _want _to die, for that matter.

So, instead, he stops walking. "I'd still find a way to protect you."

Watanuki stops short of what he was going to say, and he turns. His face is confused, obviously slightly embarrassed, with remnants of his rant still glowing on his skin.

"You can't die," Doumeki says in a low voice, as he walks towards Watanuki and looms over him for a moment. Watanuki's eyes widen and his face flushes and his mouth opens slightly and he looks almost touched, and Doumeki smirks. "You still owe me at least a few years worth of bento for all the times I've saved your ass."

He's walked a few steps before Watanuki explodes behind him. "YOU UNGRATEFUL—"

Doumeki can't help but smile.

He feels a lot, but he's not really about to let Watanuki know that.

Not yet.

* * *

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP 


	3. feeling fine

**AN: **geeeeh. These next two are a bit angstier and a bit suckier, too, probably. DD: With this one, "feeling fine" just screams depressing and I have no idea why.

* * *

**feeling fine**

Doumeki's eyes are squinted in an odd way, but Watanuki can't figure out why. He's staring at the ceiling and watching the shadow of some tree sway back and forth, wondering about the taller boy staring over him. "Are you feeling any better?" Doumeki's voice is devoid of feeling, hollow and disconnected. The smell of blood is still raw in the air.

Watanuki swallows, grimacing slightly because it hurts more than a little. He mumbles a "Yes" kind of sound even though his brain is vehemently disagreeing.

He's not sure how convincing it is, but Doumeki doesn't pressure him for any more information. The silence that falls over them is a breaking kind of quiet; unsteady, anticipating.

The boy with golden eyes doesn't say anything.

"_You almost died," _he doesn't say. _"Do you understand?"_

He just stares and waits. Waits…

"_I can't lose you."_

Watanuki snaps his eyes away, concentrates on the shadow again. "And you?" he asks.

_I don't care_, Watanuki thinks. _I don't. Just don't die for my sake. Don't hurt for me._

"I'm fine."

Watanuki doesn't say, _"You're lying."_

He just stares at the ceiling, smells Doumeki's sacrifice—feels all those things the stoic boy continues to give, while he refuses to give anything back—and breathes quietly through chapped and broken lips.

"You should get some sleep," Doumeki's course voice utters.

_Everything's just fine._

Only, it's not.

* * *

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP 


	4. once in a while

**AN: **I started writing this before I knew where I was going with it. It seems short and just ends and has no real conclusion...but that's how I see stuff, I guess. Just scenes. And...I found it hard to go on without making either of them sound like complete saps and nothing like themselves at all. So...yeah. Hopefully my next post will be happier, ha ha. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and alerted! You are very very much appreciated.

* * *

**once in a while**

Once in a while…Watanuki thinks it would be nice to do the saving.

To be the one to _give_.

To not have to watch _someone else_ hurt and bleed because of _him_.

So he scrunches his face up and complains some more when Doumeki leans on the wall, breathing hard and bleeding from the gash on his back. _Of course_, Doumeki appeared out of seemingly nowhere to save him yet again, _giving_ as always. And Watanuki hates Doumeki's gifts, but he takes them anyway because he's _always_ the one to just take and take and take—selfish and self-centered and terrible, that's what he is, right?

Half an eye, half of his blood, his finger and his free time—all given by Doumeki without question or expectation for anything in return, and Watanuki took them with frowns and grumbles and _nothing_ resembling a 'thank you' at all.

And, of course, it wasn't enough.

Every day, almost, Doumeki gives a little of his safety, his life.

Watanuki furrows his eyebrow and yanks Doumeki's arm over his head, and glares at him from behind his bent and breaking glasses. "You idiot, look what you've done to yourself," he snaps.

But his voice is a whisper. A weak, almost_ sobbing_ whisper. And nothing like a snap or yell or complaint at all.

Doumeki's golden eyes just bear into him for a moment, and Watanuki looks away first. They continue the walk down the sidewalk, towards the temple, at a slow and painful pace.

- - - -

Watanuki finds himself in the place of caregiver for once, which is a nice change in a way, but his heart is still heavy because, to him, the situation seems more like a man seeking healing from the devil who hurt him in the first place than a friend helping a friend.

Deftly, he bandages the wounds and Doumeki doesn't grunt or move when he accidentally slips or touches too close to the opening. He breathes shallowly and slowly, and whispers, once, "You're good at this, but you're not used to bandaging other people" and it's not in a conversational way so Watanuki ignores it.

_I should never _have_ to bandage someone else_, he thinks, and he finishes the job with little flourish or comment, not exclaiming how Doumeki should be grateful, that Doumeki should be humbled in his unworthiness, as he normally might.

"I don't need you to save me," Watanuki says instead, after a moment of silence, glaring at Doumeki's back and seeing only a claw ripping it apart, digging into flesh and bone. He closes his eyes, tight, pushing out the memory, being flooded with more and more similar instances.

Instances in which Doumeki _gave_ everything.

"I know," Doumeki's low voice says, and Watanuki stares at him.

He had half-expected the customary "idiot" line or "bento" line. He opens his mouth slightly, air brushing through his dry lips, and he asks, "So…why?"

"Because…" Doumeki sighs, almost with a hint of aggravation, and he turns to look at Watanuki with his fierce eyes and hard face and he says evenly, "Because you're an idiot and you care too much."

Watanuki's caught between a shocked face and a glare and he's about to speak or do _something_ when he realizes that Doumeki's hand is touching his lightly, strongly, unwavering.

"You save everyone else," he says evenly. "Once in awhile, you should be saved too. These things I give up are only the price for my wish." His hand moves slightly, as though he's tightening it just _ever so much_, and his eyes and face intensify because what he says is truer than anything else.

And Watanuki doesn't ask what his wish is, or dispute what's said, or wibble and wobble under the hand in his personal space. He just closes his eyes and squeezes the calloused fingers resting on his, because that's as close to a 'thank you' as he'll probably ever get, and he feels a slight reassurance in his throat that says…

_It's nice to be needed_.

* * *

**disclaimer:** xxxholic and characters © CLAMP 


	5. windy nights

**AN: **This one's saaaappy. Apologies for possible OOC-ness - especially on the part of Doumeki. I'm still trying to get him down. Watanuki's a little easier, but I'm afraid I overdue it (not so much here, though).

Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed, too. I'm glad people are enjoying these at least a bit yaaay!

* * *

**windy nights**

"I didn't come over here because I'm scared."

"Hn."

"I only did it because Yuuko-san said something about the wind and that generally means something along the lines of 'Oh, and, Watanuki, did you know that windy nights are caused by hungry monsters with an affinity for whistling and eating obviously-hated-by-the-universe young teenage boys?' and I really didn't feel like trying to wait it out and—OH!"

Doumeki cringes, slightly, as Watanuki yelps again, due to the wind battering particularly loudly against the sliding door of the temple entrance. The archer doesn't exactly appreciate being called in the middle of the night, but it's Watanuki, and he'd rather be woken up at an unreasonable time than wake up in the morning to discover that the spirit-bait had finally been gobbled up.

"You can go back to sleep, you know," the spirit-bait says now, grabbing his elbows and shivering slightly. He's still in pajamas and the temple doesn't do much to hold heat. "The protection of the temple and it's wards should be enough and you're close enough that you'll wake up if you hear me screaming for my life—though that doesn't mean I'm expecting you to come save me or anything." He rubs his nose. "It's just nice to have that option available."

The wind bangs against the screen again and Watanuki glances around a few times, eyes wide, before sighing.

"Is there a reason you're so jumpy?" Doumeki asks. When the boy had called a few minutes ago, his voice had been so frantic that Doumeki had ran out outside without putting on a coat or shoes before he realized that Watanuki had called him from the phone booth down the street. Whatever had him so panicked must have had more to do with the _place_ than the wind. Especially since Watanuki would never call and ask to come over unless the reason was _really_ dire—in the past, his sleeping at Doumeki's house had primarily only happened because Watanuki was unconscious or too injured and tired to protest the matter.

Watanuki grunts now, clenching his teeth as the wind picks up outside. "I'm not jumpy."

Doumeki rolls his eyes, but lets it go for now. If something's _really_ bothering him, Doumeki's hoping that he'll just tell him rather than keep it all in—but he's _Watanuki_ after all, and Doumeki is _Doumeki_ or, rather, 'stupid/selfish/moronic/Neanderthal Doumeki' and the only time he learns anything is when Watanuki's about to die or when he has to force it out of him. Doumeki's not holding on to much hope there. "You'd probably get more sleep in the house."

"No. I would not." His voice is defiant, hissing. He glares behind his glasses and furrows his eyebrows and frowns his lips. But Doumeki grabs his wrist and pulls him towards the hall leading inside anyway. "What are you doing?"

"It's too cold in there," Doumeki points out, "and the wind is louder there too."

Watanuki struggles, flailing his arms and snarling behind clenched teeth, but Doumeki's seen enough of his temper tantrums to know that he's not being _nearly_ as spirited usual. By the time they get to Doumeki's room, he's stopped fighting completely.

"I'll pull out your futon," Doumeki says, and it's only when he lets go of Watanuki's hand that he realizes he was casually holding it in the first place. Watanuki, meanwhile, stays quiet until the bedding's laid out, his head hanging low so that Doumeki can't see his face. "Oi. What's wrong?"

The other boy winds and twists his fingers together, obviously bothered about something, but he just mutters a "Nothing" and falls quiet again, still staring down at his hands and feet. Doumeki stares at him for a moment, but, again, decides that it's not worth the pain to his eardrums to press his friend further, so he turns his back to Watanuki and starts pulling down a blanket and pillow.

"I…" a small voice says quietly, and Doumeki stops, mid-reach, and looks back at him. Watanuki's glaring at him in an odd way, hands still fisted together. "I'm not scared. I didn't come here so you could watch over me. I don't need you to protect me." His eyes narrow. "I _don't_."

Doumeki's gaze remains level, studious, and then he resumes pulling the blanket down. "I know," he says in his usual monotone. Patience, that's the key. He knows that Watanuki's on the verge of actually _talking_ about something and part of him is ready for him to just spit it out—but another part knows that forcing it might shut him up completely. So he waits. He lays the blanket down and straightens it out, then stands and watches Watanuki. And he waits. And then… "So why _are_ you here?" he asks after a moment, eyes still steady on Watanuki's.

The mismatched eyes across the futon blink once. Twice. And the frail boy sighs. "I could hear the wind," he whispers. "It was howling all around me, tearing at my wards and slipping through cracks in the wall." He swallows. "I just…didn't want to be alone."

Watanuki looks down, and his face is obscured again. Tentatively, Doumeki reaches across the space between them and puts a large hand on his friend's shoulder. As the boy looks up, their eyes meet. "You're not."

The spirit-bait smiles, slightly, and it's not a real smile or a loving smile, but Doumeki supposes that it'll have to do for now and he lets his hand drop back to his side before looking away. "You better get go to sleep now," he tells him. "You need to rest for tomorrow."

Perhaps still stunned or charmed by the events moments before, Watanuki merely gives Doumeki a soft, questioning face, accompanied with a small, "Tomorrow?" and a slightly furrowed brow.

"You're making me breakfast."

Watanuki blinks, slowly coming out of whatever reverie he was in, and Doumeki makes his way over to his own futon and lies down. And then… "What. Who do you—I AM _NOT _YOUR SERVANT! You stupid, selfish bas—"

Doumeki presses a pillow over his ear. "Goodnight."

Watanuki yells for a little while longer before he decides to give it up. With a grumble, he lies down and Doumeki listens while he gets himself situated. In some ways, it's incredibly domestic, this scene—it's natural, easy. He knows that when he wakes up tomorrow, he won't be surprised to see the small boy asleep a few feet away, won't be alarmed if he hears the sound of a grumbling cook overmastering the kitchen. It's not just because this has occurred all too often lately either—because Doumeki remembers waking up after the first time Watanuki stayed over and the only thing he felt was that the boy being there was perfect in a way that he dared not think about.

He blows out the candle he had lit to light the room, and everything goes dark and quiet.

"Doumeki…" Watanuki's voice says softly, but Doumeki stays quiet. He hears Watanuki mutter something about a stupid jerk being able to fall asleep too quickly, followed by a low sigh. "Well…even if you are a stupid jerk slave driver…I'm glad…I'm glad you're here."

And while Doumeki can think of several comments to effectively shatter the mood…

He simply smiles, and falls asleep with those words drifting in his brain.

Watanuki, meanwhile, can still hear the wind outside, but can't remember what was so frightening in the first place.

* * *

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP


	6. first time

**AN: **This is the most blantedly slash one yet. (I mean really). So a bit of a warning there (just in case). It...kind of drops you in the middle of it all and it's up to the imagination to come up with the events directly before, so hopefully it's not too confusing ha ha. Doumeki may be slightly OOC, but only for the fact that he might be a bit more talkative at one point. Hopefully, Watanuki's not too overdone.

* * *

**first time isn't always what it's cracked up to be**

As Doumeki expected, Watanuki took to the situation as he did any other—with dramatic flairs, snarling, and a great deal of fighting. And, as annoying as it may be, all things considered, Doumeki couldn't help but be slightly amused.

"You bit me," Watanuki's saying now, face indignant, miss-matched eyes narrowed.

Doumeki's mouth tilts slightly, a barely-there-smirk. "Yes."

"_You_. Bit. _Me_."

As if Doumeki doesn't know this (and if he didn't before, Watanuki_ has_ already told him once). "Are you completely oblivious to what's going on here?" he asks, and his eyebrow cocks up and he leans forward slightly on the hand that's placed on one side of Watanuki.

Watanuki's face blanches a bit, and he bubbles like a fish for a moment. "Well…yes, I mean…we're…we just….well…you know," he mumbles, moving his arms in the little bit of personal space he has left, as if the exercise might explain everything. For a minute, he doesn't look like a rabid cat, but more like a harmless and embarrassed teen. It's charming—almost cute. Unfortunately, he seems to remember his appropriate role rather quickly and he snaps his teeth together in a growl of frustration and shouts, "BUT YOU BIT ME YOU STUPID PERVERT BASTARD!"

Doumeki rolls his eyes and shifts his weight backwards so that he's sitting on his legs rather than kneeling over Watanuki. Crossing his arms, he asks, "So you didn't like it?" He's a bit offended. While he had no more experience than the other boy, he had thought that it had initially gone quite well. Not how he might have planned it, but you know what they say about the plans of mice and men and it wasn't like anything involving Watanuki ever went _exactly_ as it was planned—in the end, the opportunity was there, so he took it.

He wouldn't have bit down if Watanuki hadn't tugged on his hair.

And if he was able to wring a response like that out of him, Doumeki figured he must have done a _decent_ job. At least.

"I never—" Watanuki begins, but stops quickly as his face goes completely red. It seems like the awkwardness of the situation is starting to affect him, as it would anyone put in his place—Doumeki, however, remains mostly unaffected except for the slightly more irritated expression on his face now. "It's just…"

"Just what?"

"It's just…I imagined that it was supposed to be different. Like…I don't know…" He waves an absent hand around in the air while keeping his face turned towards the ground away from Doumeki.

Doumeki lets out a "tch" sound, expecting the obvious "But it was supposed to be with Himawari-chaaaaaan!! My first, stolen by a stupid Neanderthal!" and he's not sure he really wants to be made subject to such inane flattery towards the one who's been pushing them together almost as much as Yuuko. He begins to mention this to Watanuki, but the other boy continues.

"Isn't it supposed…aren't there supposed to be butterflies and fireworks and…and isn't it supposed to be sweet and calm and GENTLE?!"

The transformation from timid and embarrassed to outright enraged all in the process of one sentence and the complete absence of Kunogi-related romantic mention is an interesting development in Watanuki activity, but Doumeki only finds it in himself to blink and stare blankly back.

Watanuki, on the other hand, is still ranting. "Your first with someone you like is supposed to be special. SPECIAL. But, no. You are a cave man apparently because here I was minding my own business when you come barging in here with that stupid intense look on your face, yelling at me and then you tell me in the process that you care about me in an incredibly obscure and stupid way and then RAPE ME WITH YOUR MOUTH. AND _BITE_ ME."

"Are you still stuck on that?" is the first thing that comes out of Doumeki's mouth, because the rest of it isn't really worth commenting on. Sure he didn't really explain why he was so mad in the first place—the quiet ones always break the loudest, Yuuko would probably say—but he felt that he had always been pretty obvious with the fact that he cared about Watanuki and, anyway, he didn't really appreciate the kiss being described as "mouth rape" though it _was_ a lot harder and more passionate than he had intended. "And it's called a kiss, by the way."

Even though this is the first time the word's been said in the conversation so far, Watanuki does not blush as Doumeki might have expected. He's too worked up. "Well. You suck at it."

Doumeki's eyes narrow. "And you're the expert?"

"No. But that's not how it's supposed to go you stupid jerk."

About this point, Doumeki's mind has managed to rewind itself back to a crucial part of Watanuki's rant that had been previously scanned over—the part about "your first" being with "someone you like." And his eyes widen slightly because even though Watanuki initially did little to fight back (i.e. he's the one who yanked Doumeki almost on top of him), the inadvertent admission is the closest Doumeki's ever gotten to seeing Watanuki's feelings in regards to the vague area of something-more-than-friends that Doumeki's been stuck in for longer than he cares to admit.

Of course, it still might not mean anything—but Doumeki's going for the Yuuko approach that words, as she always says, hold a great amount of power.

"So…" he ventures, "how _is _it supposed to go?" He's talking a bit odd, choosing the topic carefully, knowing that his first impulse (to throw him down and have his way with him) might not be taken very well.

Watanuki rolls his eyes as if the answer is obvious. "First, you date."

"Well…we've done that," Doumeki points out, getting a completely blanched, flabbergasted reaction from his friend. Before Watanuki can yell about it being a _complete and total pile of completely untrue rubbish_, Doumeki explains, "We walk together to and from school, I walk you home from Yuuko's, and we've been to the park together past midnight—not to mention, we've stayed the night in several old houses, gone to a lantern festival together, and you make me lunch every day."

Watanuki sputters for a second, but can't truthfully contest that those statements are false (though he would have worded each instance in a completely different way), and he waves his hand as if trying to brush the dating accusation away. "Second, you _politely_, _respectfully_, and _DECENTLY_ tell the person whom you are dating how you really feel about them and express your wish to move the relationship further."

Doumeki narrows his eyes. "Are you making this up, or did you read this somewhere?"

"They are known facts, you stupid barbarian." Watanuki scrunches up his nose in distaste. After a second, he looks to the side and mutters rapidly, "Well…maybethey'reabitalteredforpersonalpreference—BUT. It stands to reason that you DO NOT attack someone who you want to develop a loving relationship with, it's not very nice, someone could get hurt, and I DON'T appreciate it AT ALL."

Smirking slightly, Doumeki resumes hovering over Watanuki. "So. First step is done," he says, maintaining his slight monotone, with just a hint of an undertone. "Second step is confirmed. I think my wish is pretty obvious. So if your only objection is that I didn't do it 'right' then I'm pretty sure that's been fixed. Which means…" He leans forward again, only to have a hand shoved against his face.

"You can't correct it NOW, you've already ruined it! A first kiss is called a FIRST kiss for a reason you know and it's not like you even asked my permission in the first place at all and anyway if you did it wouldn't matter because it's not like I—"

While what he was going to say is obvious enough, the fact that the greatest resistance he offers when Doumeki kisses him for a second time is a rough bite to the boy's lower lip proves him to be a rotten liar. And it also causes Doumeki to consider pointing out, sarcastically, the ironic nature of the situation—though, aside from being otherwise occupied, he decides, considering Watanuki's overall sporadic nature, that it'd probably cause more frustration on his part, and thus opts against saying anything at all.

Until…

"JUST WHAT. DO YOU _THINK_ YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR HAND?"

- - -

Doumeki waits for Watanuki outside Yuuko's shop the next night.

By the look on his face, and the outright contempt and hatred embedded there, Doumeki knows that, of course, Yuuko somehow managed to know and that Watanuki is blaming him. So he says nothing and waits for Watanuki to spit whatever it is out.

"I hate you," he says first. "I hate you and I TOLD YOU that she'd notice but NOOOO you had to do that stupid thing to my neck anyway with NO REGARD to how embarrassing it is to have an employer who IS CRAZY and notices stupid things that are _barely showing from under my collar _AND—"

"What'd she say?"

Watanuki's walked ahead at this point, fists clenched, blushing violently as far as Doumeki can tell from the red, red color of his neck, and he mutters, "She said 'First time isn't always what it's cracked up to be, eh?' and then she gave me something stupid to make sure that I was playing it safe and I threw it at her."

"What was it?"

"NOTHING SHUT UP."

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP


	7. silence

**AN: **THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE. I'm so glad for everyone who has reviewed, it makes me really glad.

Kind of hitting a writing block here, so hmm. These next two are going back to somber/depressing-ish. This one's also really short, sorry gaaah.

(Also, these all stand on their own, kind of, like...it's not in any chronological order or anything, and they probably won't be related to the others at all...just so you know).

**silence**

"You're quiet," Doumeki mutters one day, face lit by one of the lanterns hanging over head.

Watanuki doesn't say anything for a moment, eyes following the fireflies drifting around the both of them. It's summer and they're sitting at the temple and it's not something unusual at all anymore. Before, though, they might have been talking, companionably sharing each other's company - before that, they probably would have been arguing, Watanuki yelling and complaining, Doumeki trying to tune him out. But now... "I thought you'd be happy about that," he finally answers, eyes closed, hand rubbing across the bridge of his nose.

Doumeki watches him silently, a seemingly blank expression on his face.

"I was always loud and annoying, right?" the other boy continues.

A slight smile comes across his face and Doumeki's eyes narrow.

"Loud, yes," he says, a testing sort of sound in his voice. "But…not annoying. Not really."

Mismatched eyes glance slowly at him, and Watanuki's smile is still plastered on his face. But he stays quiet. He doesn't say anything at all anymore. No complaints, no arguing, no anger or outrage or outbursts or happy fawning or laughter or friendly words or…

Doumeki's eyes ache and he looks away.

Watanuki, meanwhile, keeps the fake smile and the empty eyes and the complete and total silence, heart disconnected and still, and he attempts to disappear on his own before someone else does it for him. "Not like it matters, anyway," he whispers.

The fireflies flicker out and Watanuki goes inside to get the tea.

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP


	8. cold

**AN: **Another one that started and didn't really know where it was going ha ha. I wasn't sure how to end it, so I just...did. Kind of angsty and sappy, but meeh.

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* * *

cold**

"Do you love me?"

Watanuki's not sure why the words have come out of his mouth, but he's been restless, unable to sleep. Unable to keep from thinking and staring at the other boy in the room, propped against the wall. Sleeping, no doubt, because he's been quiet for the past hour or so and he's breathing slow and hard and it'd be just like him to fall asleep sitting like that with no regard for imminent back pain.

So, of course, Doumeki doesn't answer.

And he doesn't really have to, because it's obvious.

Watanuki isn't so secure in himself to believe that he's irresistible or that he's lovable at all, but he's not blind. Stubborn, maybe, but even someone as stubborn as he is can't deny something so obvious and painful forever.

"You shouldn't," he says quietly. He stretches out a hand towards the boy, stares at him through his fingers, and somehow his vision is blurrier than usual and his face hurts behind his eyes and he knows he's crying for no reason at all.

Doumeki remains silent, peaceful.

And Watanuki looks at his face, memorizes it. "One day…I'll forget you too."

The conviction, the complete assurance in his own words scares him.

It chokes him and cracks his voice.

"Whether I want to or not," he whispers. "I will."

But he can imagine Doumeki's deadpan, his unwavering stare, and his voice saying _I'll make you remember_ because it's the kind of crazy and senseless and confident thing that he would say.

"Either that, or I'll spend you completely," Watanuki says now, defending himself against the words he thinks will be said. Convincing Doumeki to stop, to leave, to get out before he gets in too deep.

_Then do it_, Doumeki's silent form says. Watanuki can hear him breathing. Soft, comforting.

He swallows, half of his face pressed into his pillow, body curled up tightly in the blanket wrapped around him, hands clutching the fabric of his pajamas. "You'd be better off falling in love with someone else."

_No. Only you._

Of course. He'd be difficult, brash, and blunt and so confident and sure that it'd piss Watanuki off because…because. He knows that it's the exact thing that Doumeki would say, knows him well enough to know all of the senseless things that come out of his mouth. And that bothers and infuriates him because he didn't _ask _for this—for this…_attachment_.

He was fine with drifting, meaning nothing, doing nothing—fine with one day being gobbled up by something no one could see, disappearing into thin air. And it bothers him because he's _not_ fine with it anymore.

Someone has finally come along and made an indention into his life—has implanted himself so deeply that, if he left, there would be a gaping, awful hole in his place—and Watanuki isn't _okay_ with all the weird things that happen to him, with the not knowing and the not understanding and the _inevitability_ of the words that come from that damn woman's smoky lips.

He can see, faintly, the lining of his eventual fate and it scares him, angers him.

And yet…

Doumeki is leaning against the wall, watching over him, waiting for whatever it is that he always waits for—constant, always. Is he _fate_? Or is he the inadvertent granter of a wish, an answer that deadpanned his way into becoming the only solution to Watanuki's problem?—not just that of being hounded by spirits, but that of being alone and _left alone_?

And now that he's finally found that answer, is he doomed to the fate of disappearing, of losing and being lost and forgetting? Watanuki holds Doumeki higher in his regard than he lets on—and it's not because of embarrassment that he keeps it secret. Admitting it would be like asking the world to take Doumeki away from him—good things in life never last and Doumeki _is not a good thing_ so…so…

The thing being observed shivers slightly.

With a sigh, Watanuki manages his way out from under the covers and stands up.

"You idiot, it's freezing," he mutters, throwing the blanket around both their shoulders as he sits next to Doumeki. "I don't have any extra blankets, and I'm sure as hell not going to give up _mine_ so we might as well share—I don't want you getting sick and having another guilt trip to hold over my head."

Doumeki is, of course, asleep, so he is not treated to the long trail of denial, but his limp head tilts sideways and leans against Watanuki's and Watanuki can't help but be amused and irritated at the same time. Even unconsciously, the boy senses what Watanuki _isn't_ saying, what he's _not_ doing.

What he _needs_.

And Doumeki seems to be saying, _I'm with you. No matter what._

**disclaimer: **xxxholic and characters © CLAMP


End file.
